Easy Negotiation Techniques

Modesty Hurts!

I lost $180K. Yep, just left it on the table and walked away. Of course, I’m embarrassed to say this. Who wouldn’t be? But I want you to know why it’s so important to me for you to learn more about negotiation and be prepared.

If Only I’d Said…

So, here’s my story (with names and details changed to protect the privacy of others.) A very small jewelry manufacturing company was in discussions to be acquired by a much larger company. The numbers all looked good. However, there were people problems in the company that really concerned the potential acquirer. Not wanting to let a great deal die, the manufacturer asked for few months to turn things around. If their work environment improved, the talks would continue and the merger could proceed. So, they hired me as their Communications Strategist.

I had no problem negotiating a healthy 5 figure project fee for myself. That was easy. What I had trouble with was asking for a success fee. What’s that? It’s the bonus you get when everything goes well and the client achieves their goal whatever it is. You know, kinda like paying the general contractor who does your deck a bonus if he finished on time and under budget. Based on my assistance, the company was likely to be acquired for a very high sum and I wanted to have my participation recognized. Except I couldn’t ask.

Modesty is Costly

Really. I couldn’t figure out a good way to propose the success fee. Now, let me put that into context for you. By the time this client came around I’d trained close to 1000 people in negotiation and conflict management skills. My client roster was filled with corporate giants like Polaroid who relied on my advice. By the standard of the average Joe, I’d arrived. Yet, I couldn’t negotiate for something I deserved. Why? Modesty.

All those messages society (and my mother) sent about not bragging, not being too loud, not taking credit had hit their mark. I didn’t feel comfortable tooting my own horn. Have you experienced that, too.

Part of it is a subtle peer pressure that women exert on each other. When you get ‘too big for our britches’ there’s always someone who is willing to put you back in your place, I’ve found. And, that includes family and friends. I”d fallen prey to gender-based stereotypes about women as negotiators and didn’t feel like I could be persuasive. And, I wasn’t alone.

Gender-based Negotiation Stereotypes

According to a research study performed at UC Berkeley, both men and women are biased. Let me share a bit of the study done by Dr. Laura Kray:

Small differences matter, said Kray. Picture two 30-year-old MBAs, one female and one male, who are each offered $100K salaries after graduation. The male negotiates the offer to $111,000. The female accepts the first offer at $100,000. Assuming a 3% raise per year until retirement at age 65, their salary differential becomes $30,953. But assuming a 5% rate of return on investments made in the “extra” yearly income of the higher salary, the initial $11,000 differential grows to $1.6 million by retirement.

Small differences accumulate and grow over time.

Doh! $1.6 million. That’s real money. I bring this up because I suspect there have been times when modesty, or whatever you want to call it, caused you to leave money on the table, too. I was lucky I could turn to my colleagues (men who regularly ask for and get success fees) for their mentoring and advice. But who’s helping you to negotiate nicely and with ease?

Here are the worst mistakes you can make negotiating.

3 Massive Mistakes Wedding Pros Make Negotiating include:

1. Not asking for enough money

2. Letting your fears keep you from being prepared

3. Failing do prepare by knowing your own goals

Make sure you know what you’d love to achieve, what’s OK and when it’s time to walk away from a negotiation.

Dina Eisenberg, an Attorney and award-winning Mediator, is the founder of PositivelyWed.com, business coaching for wedding professionals who want a happier, more profitable wedding business. Grab your copy of my audio, 3 Massive Mistake Wedding Pros Make Negotiating at http://positivelywed.com