Best Practices in Negotiation – How to Quickly Cool a Heated Exchange
July 12th, 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized — Negotiation Author
Why do so many negotiations stalemate, where parties dig into entrenched positions and refuse to budge?
There are left-brained and right-brained answers to this perplexity.
The left brain is reputed to be rational, so let’s look to logic and to the observable data of negotiations. According to Harvard research, about the most left-brained source we can find, parties stalemate because they use positional negotiating.
This means they set certain deal points, often denominated in money terms, and they relentlessly stick to them.
“I must get at least $16,000 for this car!”
“But I can only pay $15,000″ replies the buyer.
INSTANTLY, and this term is important, the seller repeats his position.
“Sorry, the price is $16,000.”
JUST AS QUICKLY, the respondent says, “No-can-do.”
And with those rapid-fire replies, the deal is off, and typically participants don’t like each other enough to try again.
The right-brained explanation is that we become EMOTIONAL, ego-involved in getting our way, of which our stated price is the symbol.
“I want it!”
“You can’t have it!”
Same outcome, unless we buy precious moments to cool things down so we can explore the other person’s rationale for specific offers and counteroffers, and to quiet our raging feelings.
I suggest you use transition phrases, such as:
Well, I understand that, but…
Well, I appreciate that, but…
Well, I respect that, but…
You will sound agreeable without agreeing to the terms of the deal. You’ll also give yourself about three to five seconds to revise your strategy.
For example, consistent with research, you might try this gambit:
“Well, I respect that, but how did you arrive at that specific figure?” Here, you’re seeking to understand the rationale leading the person to select his position.
“I have to pay off my bank loan of $15,250,” so I can’t accept $15,000.”
Now, the buyer knows how much bargaining room is in the deal. He can agree to pay off the loan, coming up in his offer by $250, or he can sweeten the deal even more.
But slowing down the clock is crucial to becoming composed enough to keep the transaction alive.
Transition phrases can help.
Dr. Gary S. Goodman teaches his original seminar, “Best Practices in Negotiation” at a number of universities, corporations, non-profit organizations, and governmental agencies. A top-rated keynote speaker at conventions and conferences around the world, he is also the best-selling author of 12 books, and more than 1,500 articles, which appear in approximately 25,000 publications. An attorney and communications professional, his expert commentary is featured on CNBC television and on numerous radio stations.
Additionally, Dr. Goodman is the creator of Nightingale-Conant’s successful audio seminar: THE LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS: HOW TO MAKE SUCCESS INEVITABLE. See:
http://www.nightingale.com/prod_detail~product~Law_Large_Numbers.aspx His web site is http://www.customersatisfaction.com and he can be reached at gary@customersatisfaction.com.
